Land of OZ

Support for People Affected by BPD

Building Healthy Relationships

Building and maintaining healthy relationships while dealing with BPD presents unique challenges. This guide provides strategies for both people with BPD and their partners to create stable, fulfilling relationships.

Key Relationship Skills

Communication

  • Express feelings clearly
  • Use "I" statements
  • Practice active listening
  • Check understanding
  • Stay present in conversations

Emotional Awareness

  • Recognize triggers
  • Name emotions
  • Share feelings appropriately
  • Respect emotional space

Healthy Boundaries

Setting Boundaries

  • Define personal limits
  • Communicate needs clearly
  • Respect others' boundaries
  • Be consistent

Maintaining Boundaries

  • Regular check-ins
  • Adjust as needed
  • Address violations
  • Support independence

Common Challenges and Solutions

Fear of Abandonment

Challenge: Intense fear of being left or rejected

Solutions:

  • Build trust gradually
  • Create safety plans
  • Practice self-soothing
  • Maintain independence

Emotional Intensity

Challenge: Strong emotional reactions

Solutions:

  • Use DBT skills
  • Take time-outs
  • Validate feelings
  • Create calm-down plan

Black-and-White Thinking

Challenge: Extreme views of relationships

Solutions:

  • Practice dialectics
  • Find middle ground
  • Challenge thoughts
  • Accept complexity

Trust Issues

Challenge: Difficulty maintaining trust

Solutions:

  • Build consistency
  • Keep commitments
  • Practice honesty
  • Address concerns early

Building Trust

Phase 1: Foundation

  • Clear communication
  • Small commitments
  • Consistent behavior
  • Respect boundaries

Phase 2: Growth

  • Share feelings
  • Take risks together
  • Learn triggers
  • Practice validation

Phase 3: Maintenance

  • Regular check-ins
  • Address issues early
  • Celebrate progress
  • Plan for future

Communication Tools

GIVE Skill

  • Gentle: Be courteous and temperate
  • Interested: Show interest in the other person
  • Validate: Acknowledge the other's perspective
  • Easy manner: Be lighthearted

FAST Skill

  • Fair: Be fair to yourself and others
  • Apologies: No excessive apologizing
  • Stick to values: Maintain your principles
  • Truthful: Avoid lying or exaggerating

For Partners

Supporting Your Partner

  • Learn about BPD
  • Practice validation
  • Set healthy boundaries
  • Maintain self-care
  • Join support groups
  • Seek professional guidance

For People with BPD

Self-Management

  • Continue therapy work
  • Practice DBT skills
  • Communicate needs clearly
  • Take responsibility
  • Build support network
  • Monitor triggers

Crisis Management in Relationships

Prevention Plan

  • Identify triggers
  • Create safety signals
  • Establish safe words
  • Plan time-outs
  • List support contacts

During Crisis

  • Use agreed signals
  • Take space if needed
  • Follow safety plan
  • Contact supports
  • Maintain boundaries

Resources and Support

Couples Counseling Support Groups Relationship Workbook